Sunday, March 14, 2010
Friday, March 12, 2010
Coked up PetSmart Hamster
So I went to PetSmart today to buy food for my fatass dog and I always stop by to see the cute little hamsters cause they're adorrrrrrrable.
I'd get one, but I have had like hundreds and they all end up getting out, or me purposly letting them out in the woods, or ya know...dying...cause I forgot to give them water.
SHORT STORY:::!!!:::
#1 When The Hamster Gets Loose In Your House And Your Mom Has To Call The Exterminator So It Doesn't Crawl In The Wall, Die, Rot, and Smell Up The Place.
So when I was little I was obsessed with hamsters and I got my first one. I was a teeny little fireball and was all jacked up about this little fuzz ball. Cause okay all my siblings had animals like a bird and a farret and a fish and whatnot and I wanted a hamster. So my mom gets me this hamster and I named it Fluffy and she was tan and lovely. Well you know those like plastic tunnels that you put in the cages so that they can crawl in and get to like different chambers in the cage? Well I had a shit ton of them and they were like all over the place and it was fantastic cause this hamster had its own like...hamster maze palace. So one day I guess one of my siblings were playing by it and knocked it and one of the tunnels fell off and my hamster got out and no one knew for like....a day. So I finally notice and freak out cause uhh FLUFFY IS MISSING!!!!???!
So we all searched around and couldn't find it so my mom had to call and exterminator. Well I kinda freaked cause they were gunna KILL Fluffy here. But she told me that the exterminator has a super hamster radar that can detect where it is and catch it. So bye bye Fluffy.
SHORT STORY:::!!!:::
#2 When You Get Two Opposite Gender Hamsters Together That Eventually Reproduce And Make A Shit Ton Of Hamster Babies That Go Crazy And Want To Kill You, So You Leave Them In The Woods Somewhere So They Can Make There Own Little Evil Hamster Colony Far Far Away.
So after loosing Fluffy, my mom felt kinda bad and got me another hamster I named Ester. Well, I felt like Ester was lonley so I got another hamster I named Elenore. Well, Elenore turned out to be an Elton and helped make a little batch of baby hamsters. So that was really neat that we had baby hamsters an all, but then incest happend and it snowballed into a giant orgy of hamster sex and BAM! 43 babies later.... well, we called the pet stores around town and no one would take them for whatever reason and I couldn't stick my hand in the cage to get any of them out cause if you touch a baby hamster then the mom will eat it cause it has a human scent on it (I learned that the hard way) and then it would turn into a giant hamster cannibalism. So my dad had the bright idea of taking the hamster cage and driving it a few miles down the road and walking it into the woods, opening the door to the cage and running for our lives. I was kinda sad about leaving these poor guys out in the cold, but my dad assured me that they are wild animals that will eventually form there own colony like ants do.
SHORT STORY :::!!!:::
#3 When You Think You Want A Hamster Really Bad, But Realize You Have No Time To Take Care Of It And Eventually Forget About It and It Dies.
So when I was in high school I thought it would be fun to try and get another hamster. I did, and I named him Lahiam....he was a Jewish hamster. Well, after about two weeks it I kinda stopped playing with him and he kinda faded into the background an all and I would only remember to give it food and water when my parents reminded me. So this one month, my parents went out of town and all was gravy until the month ended and they were coming home and I suddenly remembered I had a hamster. So kinda I panicked and threw his dead hamster corpse in the trash and when my parents got home they saw him and I got in trouble of course and my mom made me go outside WHEN IT WAS MISTING (seriously, in the almost rain) to dig a hole and made me give him a mini ceremony.
After this, I never got a hamster again. BUT my point is...I went to PetSmart and I was looking at the cute little hamsters and there was one that looked jacked up on Coke or Speed and I thought it was like the funniest thing in the world. Like, I couldn't stop laughing and the people there were like...omg calm down you crazy Jew.
Click Mehh ::
Coked Up Hamster
I'd get one, but I have had like hundreds and they all end up getting out, or me purposly letting them out in the woods, or ya know...dying...cause I forgot to give them water.
SHORT STORY:::!!!:::
#1 When The Hamster Gets Loose In Your House And Your Mom Has To Call The Exterminator So It Doesn't Crawl In The Wall, Die, Rot, and Smell Up The Place.
So when I was little I was obsessed with hamsters and I got my first one. I was a teeny little fireball and was all jacked up about this little fuzz ball. Cause okay all my siblings had animals like a bird and a farret and a fish and whatnot and I wanted a hamster. So my mom gets me this hamster and I named it Fluffy and she was tan and lovely. Well you know those like plastic tunnels that you put in the cages so that they can crawl in and get to like different chambers in the cage? Well I had a shit ton of them and they were like all over the place and it was fantastic cause this hamster had its own like...hamster maze palace. So one day I guess one of my siblings were playing by it and knocked it and one of the tunnels fell off and my hamster got out and no one knew for like....a day. So I finally notice and freak out cause uhh FLUFFY IS MISSING!!!!???!
So we all searched around and couldn't find it so my mom had to call and exterminator. Well I kinda freaked cause they were gunna KILL Fluffy here. But she told me that the exterminator has a super hamster radar that can detect where it is and catch it. So bye bye Fluffy.
SHORT STORY:::!!!:::
#2 When You Get Two Opposite Gender Hamsters Together That Eventually Reproduce And Make A Shit Ton Of Hamster Babies That Go Crazy And Want To Kill You, So You Leave Them In The Woods Somewhere So They Can Make There Own Little Evil Hamster Colony Far Far Away.
So after loosing Fluffy, my mom felt kinda bad and got me another hamster I named Ester. Well, I felt like Ester was lonley so I got another hamster I named Elenore. Well, Elenore turned out to be an Elton and helped make a little batch of baby hamsters. So that was really neat that we had baby hamsters an all, but then incest happend and it snowballed into a giant orgy of hamster sex and BAM! 43 babies later.... well, we called the pet stores around town and no one would take them for whatever reason and I couldn't stick my hand in the cage to get any of them out cause if you touch a baby hamster then the mom will eat it cause it has a human scent on it (I learned that the hard way) and then it would turn into a giant hamster cannibalism. So my dad had the bright idea of taking the hamster cage and driving it a few miles down the road and walking it into the woods, opening the door to the cage and running for our lives. I was kinda sad about leaving these poor guys out in the cold, but my dad assured me that they are wild animals that will eventually form there own colony like ants do.
SHORT STORY :::!!!:::
#3 When You Think You Want A Hamster Really Bad, But Realize You Have No Time To Take Care Of It And Eventually Forget About It and It Dies.
So when I was in high school I thought it would be fun to try and get another hamster. I did, and I named him Lahiam....he was a Jewish hamster. Well, after about two weeks it I kinda stopped playing with him and he kinda faded into the background an all and I would only remember to give it food and water when my parents reminded me. So this one month, my parents went out of town and all was gravy until the month ended and they were coming home and I suddenly remembered I had a hamster. So kinda I panicked and threw his dead hamster corpse in the trash and when my parents got home they saw him and I got in trouble of course and my mom made me go outside WHEN IT WAS MISTING (seriously, in the almost rain) to dig a hole and made me give him a mini ceremony.
After this, I never got a hamster again. BUT my point is...I went to PetSmart and I was looking at the cute little hamsters and there was one that looked jacked up on Coke or Speed and I thought it was like the funniest thing in the world. Like, I couldn't stop laughing and the people there were like...omg calm down you crazy Jew.
Click Mehh ::
Coked Up Hamster
Monday, March 8, 2010
Chapped Lips
Yeah, I have chapped lips at the moment so I decided to name my blog that, cause why not?
So, remember in my previous blog how I said I wouldn't make going to the movies alone a habit? I lied. :O (<~ thats a shocked/omg face incase you didn't catch the bond of symbol/capitol letter going on there). Yeah, I don't know why, but its kinda fun. I get to seat hop and stuff. I saw Dear John AND Alice in Wonderland (again) but this time in ACTUAL 3D! It twas AWESOME!!!! Seriously, the Chesire Cat was all up on my lap and shiz it was supremely superb. And :D, Johnny was so up in my face....it's the closest we have ever been (cause he has a wife an all and it wouldn't be right if we got that close all the time).
This is going to be short an sweet cause I just got back from a run and I smell kinda...so off to the showerz! But I wanted to show yoohz peoplez some pictures! ↓ ↓ ↓ (<~ haha look what I can do!)
So, we made gingerbread a few weeks back and I got seriously bored so I made a baby ↓
So, remember in my previous blog how I said I wouldn't make going to the movies alone a habit? I lied. :O (<~ thats a shocked/omg face incase you didn't catch the bond of symbol/capitol letter going on there). Yeah, I don't know why, but its kinda fun. I get to seat hop and stuff. I saw Dear John AND Alice in Wonderland (again) but this time in ACTUAL 3D! It twas AWESOME!!!! Seriously, the Chesire Cat was all up on my lap and shiz it was supremely superb. And :D, Johnny was so up in my face....it's the closest we have ever been (cause he has a wife an all and it wouldn't be right if we got that close all the time).
This is going to be short an sweet cause I just got back from a run and I smell kinda...so off to the showerz! But I wanted to show yoohz peoplez some pictures! ↓ ↓ ↓ (<~ haha look what I can do!)
So, we made gingerbread a few weeks back and I got seriously bored so I made a baby ↓
THEN I made a pac lazy :) ↓
THEN I made the pac lady eat the baby ↓
Happy new 60 degree weather/ spring time! woot!
-Gaby
Sunday, March 7, 2010
Alice, Glasses, PostSecret, and....uh someother stuff.
I recently watched this movie called LymeLife that came out sometime last year and it has 2 of Macaulay Culkins brothers in it and throughout the entire movie I couldn't help but be creeped out at how all 7 of his siblings look exactly alike. Like, everything about them is the same...they look like twins X 7. It's hella weird and I can't help but think that maybe they were cloned or something whenever their money hungry parents decided they wanted another starlett or something. Seriously, go google a family picture.
So, for everyone that has/had my facebook....it's temporarily disabled due to personal reasons. I hope to be back as soon as possible. Don't think I deleted you. And if you went as far as to search the facebook name search and didn't see me (which I am sure you didn't cause thats stalker-like although I do it sometimes, but thats a different story)...I didn't block you either.
I saw Alice In Wonderland yesterday and sadly (not really) I went by myself because my friends are all lamos and either had to work or were all like..........oh my god you're going to see THAT?! Uhh yess, yes I yam and I'll tell you why......Johnny Depp is my home boy and I have never not seen any of his movies. He is my afterlife husband (cause he currently has a wife until further notice) and I really believe I need to support him now, so that our relationship later will be solid when the time comes.
I'm interrrupting to say that it's currently 2 am and I think my neighbors above me are having sex. I don't exactly hear the 'action', but I hear date music like...bow bow bow bow ooooooooooooooooooooooooh, going on up there and it's quite disturbing. Like, I hope you losers are old people cause otherwise that music is not acceptable...unless you're a lonley virgin and are inexperienced and trying to set the mood or impress your sad date. Good luck to you sir.
Okay, back to my Alice story. So it was AMAZING! I love love loved it. But the point of my story was that I went by myself and I went in feeling like a sad sad loser, because uhh hello I was by myself, but it was actually kinda fun cause I seat hopped and got to leave my trash (cause my friends always make me pick it up), like hello...what exactly do you think the people that work at the theatre do when you leave a movie and you see them wheeling in a trashcan and broomsticks? They're not rodent hunting.
PLUS I managed to go from the very top of the theatre and somehow made my way to the very very bottom rows where no one sits. It was pretty awesome. This does not mean though that I will be attending movies by myself frequently....so don't think I yam a hermit or something. I mean, I am....but thats only cause I haven't been in this state very long and well this is a different story I would rather not get into.
So at the movie they gave me 3D glasses, although it wasn't a 3D movie (?) trust me, I even put the stupid things on and nothing happened. But on the 3D package had the WARNING sign and it said....don't give to children under 5, choking hazard. Like, what exactly do you think is going to happen? A 5 year old is going to open it's teeny tiny toothless mouth and swallow giant thick rimed plastic glasses? Let's get real. I can kind of understand the plastic that is sealed around the glasses, but their is no warning for that. I would really like to meet the person that writes these hazard warnings and ask him what he swallowed as a child.
FOoood:
MY CARROT CAKEEE! It's beautiful, I know.
So, for everyone that has/had my facebook....it's temporarily disabled due to personal reasons. I hope to be back as soon as possible. Don't think I deleted you. And if you went as far as to search the facebook name search and didn't see me (which I am sure you didn't cause thats stalker-like although I do it sometimes, but thats a different story)...I didn't block you either.
I saw Alice In Wonderland yesterday and sadly (not really) I went by myself because my friends are all lamos and either had to work or were all like..........oh my god you're going to see THAT?! Uhh yess, yes I yam and I'll tell you why......Johnny Depp is my home boy and I have never not seen any of his movies. He is my afterlife husband (cause he currently has a wife until further notice) and I really believe I need to support him now, so that our relationship later will be solid when the time comes.
I'm interrrupting to say that it's currently 2 am and I think my neighbors above me are having sex. I don't exactly hear the 'action', but I hear date music like...bow bow bow bow ooooooooooooooooooooooooh, going on up there and it's quite disturbing. Like, I hope you losers are old people cause otherwise that music is not acceptable...unless you're a lonley virgin and are inexperienced and trying to set the mood or impress your sad date. Good luck to you sir.
Okay, back to my Alice story. So it was AMAZING! I love love loved it. But the point of my story was that I went by myself and I went in feeling like a sad sad loser, because uhh hello I was by myself, but it was actually kinda fun cause I seat hopped and got to leave my trash (cause my friends always make me pick it up), like hello...what exactly do you think the people that work at the theatre do when you leave a movie and you see them wheeling in a trashcan and broomsticks? They're not rodent hunting.
PLUS I managed to go from the very top of the theatre and somehow made my way to the very very bottom rows where no one sits. It was pretty awesome. This does not mean though that I will be attending movies by myself frequently....so don't think I yam a hermit or something. I mean, I am....but thats only cause I haven't been in this state very long and well this is a different story I would rather not get into.
So at the movie they gave me 3D glasses, although it wasn't a 3D movie (?) trust me, I even put the stupid things on and nothing happened. But on the 3D package had the WARNING sign and it said....don't give to children under 5, choking hazard. Like, what exactly do you think is going to happen? A 5 year old is going to open it's teeny tiny toothless mouth and swallow giant thick rimed plastic glasses? Let's get real. I can kind of understand the plastic that is sealed around the glasses, but their is no warning for that. I would really like to meet the person that writes these hazard warnings and ask him what he swallowed as a child.
FOoood:
Muhh cheesecake. It fell apart so I just went chocolate crazy to cover it up.
My Lady Gaga cake. My chef was so not happy we did this, but she can kiss my rear. It's my cake and if I want to splatter raspberry puree all over it to make it look like someone got murdered by some cake I WILL.
So the otherday I was on my way someplace in muhh car and my phone starts ringning and I didn't recougnize the number, but I answered it anyways and the convo went like this:
Me: "Hello?"
-: "is this Gaby?"
-: "is this Gaby?"
Me:"Yes..."
-: "This is Mac...."
Me: Long pause
-:"Mac....like SuperMac?"
Me: ".....................................................OH MY GAWD! ARE YOU SERIOUS?!!?!?"
it was hiiim :D if you don't know who Mac is then you have been living under a freakin rock for your like entire effing life. Mac is like uber famous, and pretty much everyone knows who he is! Well, you're asking...why did he call Gaby? Cuz I AM AWESOME! Duh. I did something for him last month sometime and holy effing crow! We had a good convo....he gave me a Twitter shout out. :O
This is him, sigining autographs incase you didn't understand that hes important.
Mac (<~cliickk da link)
Monday, March 1, 2010
Belated Valentines Day
Hello People.
I know, we are all SHOCKED that Gaby has decided to write 4 whole blogs on 1 whole week, but I have something important to show yoohs:
I know, we are all SHOCKED that Gaby has decided to write 4 whole blogs on 1 whole week, but I have something important to show yoohs:
See all this??!?!
It's my belated Valentines Day present from muh best friend && fbook hubby, William Buster Samuel McKeehan.
(not the dog, she's mine)
He is a procrastinator, and tis why my package was late, just incase you were wondering why it was like a whole month late....kinda. He also included this letter (below). Please note I did NOT change any spelling in this letter, he really writes like this.
Dear Nerd,
How are you? I hope youre doing fine! First of all, I LOVE YOUSE! Lawl. I hope chew enjoy your Eastertines Day package! That is a mix of Easter and Valentines luv. Lolz. So I yam writing this letter a little late because ive been super freaking busy, and sinse I don't know how to make a wedding photo, I yam writing you a luv ledder. You should see how many red lines I yam getting while typing dis! Lolz. But anyway, I just needed to rant, can you believe its almost spring break?!? Its krazy! Anywhoser, I hope you like your eastertines day package.I yam very sorry that I didn't send you a REAL valentines day package ON valentines day.....I hope you can forgive me! Umm....So...SO! I just had a mini heart attack because I accidently pressed a button on the keyboard and everything ERR'THING wasgone! GONE! I was like blerg! ButI pressed the undo button and everything was good again. SOTRY TIME!!!~Then God made Saturn, and he liked it, so he put a ring on it! ~ Lol. Yes, I got that from all the facebook notices that people are joining on facebook. As you can tell, I am just now writing this letter. To be perfectly honest, it is Thursday the 24th or some such 25th. Anyway, I can't wait for summer! And warm weather! And the lake! And being fat! Oh, ive decided to stay fat, because that's how god made me. Ok im just kidding. So im into 30 rock lately because its the greatest show EVER! Seriously, 30 rock is my Mash. I love Tina Fey, Id tap that. Im seriously giggling to myself while typing this in da library. Lol well, I don't have muchelse to tell ya. I how youre dewing well, and I hope you like (LOVE) your package! Call me if you don't get this!
Love, yer husband,
-Dr. Hottbutt
PS im waiting here to print this cus everybody and their mother is at the printer like wtf?
PSS Your package came with cotton candy but I had to eat it cus it didn't fit. It tasted like green apple you should've been there.
(me again :D ) Okay, so not such a "love letter" but thats my Buster Boo lol jk.
Just thought I would share cause, why not?
HAPPY MARCH!! Yay Spring!
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